Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
