I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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