I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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