you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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