You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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