I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
