i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
