If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
