my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
