he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize