He kissed a someone with a penis
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
