Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
