bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
