I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she looked like the before picture.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You took a bar mat shot.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
