Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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