my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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