Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
