I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
