Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
