how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
