he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
