dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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