I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
