I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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