Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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