remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
