Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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