I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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