Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
