I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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