Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
