Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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