porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
