Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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