you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
