R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
