Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
