Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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