i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
