apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
