you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
