I seem to have left my pride at pride
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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