It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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