the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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