you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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