she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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