I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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