she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
