i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize