Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Even the bartender felt bad for me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
