Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
