the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
