Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
