she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
