dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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