Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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