I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
