You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
