how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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