I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
