Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
