i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
