Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
