Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
