Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
