it hurts more in the daytime
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize