i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
