All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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