I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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