awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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