Please, let me fuck your mom
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
