I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
