You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
